Please Get Me the F*** Out of Here
Let's go to nice places that feel very removed from reality.
We’re ragged, exhausted, and sick and tired of feeling ragged and exhausted. Whichever side of the political divide you’re on, this election season took an acute psychic toll — and we’re probably not the only ones feeling it. We’re also probably not the only ones desperate for hopeful escapism. As our post-election public service to you, here are beautiful places in remote corners of the earth where we’d like to be right now — places we dream of discovering or long to return to — far, far, far (there’s no such thing as far enough) from any madness.
Ladakh, Himalayas, union territory of India, with Shakti Himalaya
High up in the sparsely populated Himalayan range, hemmed in by jagged, snow-capped mountains and crystalline lakes, one of the last Tantric Buddhist societies calls Ladakh home (according to the BBC, nearly 97 percent of Ladakh’s population is tribal). Backpackers have made their way to this area for ages, but tour operator Shakti Himalaya helps travelers really go off the track, bypassing the commercialized capital, Leh, in favor of active treks to remote villages with overnight stays in rural houses or campsites that Shakti has “spruced up” a bit without sacrificing tradition. Days are spent walking to markets and monasteries, having picnics, and listening to early morning prayers. The high-altitude landscapes feel out of this world.
Antarctica with Silversea
Let’s get this out of the way first for all cruise skeptics (including us, by the way): A ship is pretty much the only way to get to Antarctica. We traveled here with Silversea on Silver Endeavor, a polar class expedition ship so sophisticated and technologically advanced, we did yoga halfway through the notoriously rough Drake Passage. Despite the technology, the white continent may be as far from modern life as we can get on this planet. There are no Starbucks, no ATM machines, no Zaras. (Indeed, there are no bathrooms.) Just mountains and snow and birds and so many adorable penguins squawking all around. Nature reigns supreme in Antarctica, and weather conditions dictate the agenda. Yes, the ship is as luxurious as can be, but check your demands, plans, and diva behavior at the gangplank because they have no place here. In other words, it’s impossible to take this once-in-a-lifetime journey without having a new or enriched appreciation for the majesty of Mother Nature.
Pater Noster, Sweden
Take the helm and set sail for Hamneskar, a tiny island on the farthest point of Sweden’s west coast. This small spit of land is home only to the Pater Noster lighthouse, which is surrounded by the open Baltic Sea. The former lighthouse master’s home was transformed into nine bedrooms that welcome intrepid travelers seeking a truly off-the-grid, seafaring delight. Guests are invited to go deep-sea fishing to catch dinner, sail, scuba dive, and kayak around the island. During summer, guests can snuggle beneath a canopy of stars on a bed nestled into the cliffs, as seen in that outrageous photo above.
Suján Jawai, Rajasthan, India
Imagine spending sunrise and sunset in the back of an open-air jeep, warmed by blankets and hot water bottles, with an expert tracker and a driver who search for (and find!) leopards roaming an expansive nature preserve. Perhaps the same leopards who came so close to your tent the night before that you heard them roar. Your tent that is sublimely comfortable and thoughtfully outfitted, with relaxing sun decks and custom, beautifully scented bath amenities. You’re cared for by staff who go out of their way to create memorable moments — organizing a multi-course BBQ around an open fire; arranging sundowner cocktails atop a hillside, the horizon stretched before you for miles. The Suján experience is overwhelmingly joyful, and staying here is one of the most magical travel experiences we have ever had. Period. What makes Sujan even more special is the positive impact the company has made not only on nature and the environment, through wildlife conservation and veterinary care, but also on the surrounding community, providing employment, clean drinking water, schools, and medical care to tens of thousands of villagers. Yes, Sujan serves its clientele brilliantly at all three of its resorts, but it serves the world at large even more.
Rosewood Kauri Cliffs, North Island, New Zealand
Wouldn’t it be nice to be surrounded by more sheep than people? Then head to New Zealand, where none of your contacts will be on your same time zone, and the only zooming you’ll do at will be around 6,000 oceanfront acres of waterfalls, cliffs, private beaches, and farmland (tell the sheep we said hello). Special experiences include horseback riding into the native forest, birdwatching, bush walking, feasting on a private meal on Pink Beach, diving and snorkeling in nearby Bay of Islands, hitting the links at the championship golf course on site, and recovering with a manuka honey healing cocoon treatment at the spa located tucked away in the forest. The property is rich in the history of indigenous Māori and European settlers, and you can learn all about it, along with the secrets of medicinal plants, on a Guided Heritage Discovery tour.
Four Seasons Desroches Island, Seychelles
Going off the grid was the most luxurious amenity we experienced during a visit to a private island resort on Desroches Island, part of the Seychelles archipelago. Nine hundred miles off the coast of East Africa, Four Seasons is the only property on a three-mile-wide, white-sand coral island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. With no other hotels or residents, the island is free for exploring. Dirt bike trails wind through verdant canopies, with cutoffs leading to secret swimming spots along nine miles of beach. At night, the hotel hosts stargazing and moonlight yoga on the runway. Backed by an incredibly bright Milky Way, shooting stars appear to be coming in for a landing. Surfers strike gold on this undisturbed paradise — the conditions are ideal year-round, and the crystal-clear waves can be body surfed in solitude. Fourteen world-class dive sites surround the property at the point where the turquoise lagoon descends into the dark blue, revealing vibrant reef walls and hidden passageways to ocean caves.
Three Camel Lodge, South Gobi, Mongolia
This very special Mongolian ecolodge — conceived of, built, and staffed by Mongolians — is dedicated to teaching travelers about the region’s astounding beauty while also protecting and enhancing nature and culture. Guests who fly from Ulaanbaatar to the edge of the Gobi Desert will find an expansive and extraordinarily quiet part of the world. Horseback is the main mode of transport around this land of dinosaur fossils, mountains, desert, and rare living animal species not seen anywhere else. Three Camel Lodge is a constellation of 40 luxurious traditional gers (circular yurts), a dining room serving Mongolian specialties, library and game room, greenhouse, spa, and stables. Included in the price of the stay are all meals, activities, and excursions, like switchback mountain treks to visit Bronze Age petroglyphs, see wild ibex, and possibly hunt for ancient fossils under the guidance of a paleontologist. Guests may join a local herding family on the steppe, saddle up for horseback rides, take up nomadic archery, help build a ger from the ground up, and stargaze at night under a huddle of camel wool blankets. Plus, it’s fun to say that you’ve been to Dalanzadgad.
Kittawa Lodge, King Island, Tasmania
If Australia and Tasmania don't sound remote enough, then maybe an island between the two, where you'll stay in one of two adults-only lodges on 96 secluded oceanfront acres near 12,000-year-old sand dunes along your private coastline, will do the trick. Your days will be spent getting to know your neighbors (red-necked wallabies and wild peacocks) and exploring the surroundings (stunning Fitzmaurice Bay and bird-rich Melaleuca Forest). The lodges are eco certified and solar passive, with almost zero plastic waste. No TV in the room makes it even easier to avoid the headlines, and the world will feel far away (and maybe even a little unnecessary) when everything nice around you — the wine, the artwork, even the bath gel — has been made locally. Living off-grid feels pretty good, huh?
Our Habitas Atacama, Atacama Desert, Chile
Get lost among the peaceful, red-toned landscape of the sprawling and otherworldly geological formations of the Atacama Desert. Our Habitas, the sustainably driven bohemian hotel group with destinations in Bacalar, Mexico, and Agafay, Morocco, recently opened in Chile’s Atacama Desert. Guests spend time exploring salt flats, geysers, hot springs, and the nearby Licancabur volcano that straddles the Chile-Bolivia border. The hotel worked closely with local community artists and artisans to build the sprawling 51-room, adobe-style lodge with traditional stonework, tapestries, and thatched roofing. The dining experience is plant-based, and the spa uses local ingredients in its treatments. And here’s something else you can feel good about: Guest donations support local cultural, educational, and environmental causes.
Fathom editor California Chaney contributed to this article.
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Love this. I would like to be on a Windstar cruise in Tahiti with no WiFi!